Happy Birthday, Mal. If you believe it, you can do it.

It’s been a busy year for you.  And since you’ve had so many life-changing events this year, I’ve decided to change up the format and not post embarrassing photos of you.  Instead, I’m going to show you this video of Neil singing “I Believe I can Fly” so you might one day show it to Baby J as an example of what not to do. Like Icarus, don’t let Neil fly too close to your son.

Just because you believe you can fly, doesn’t mean you can sing.

 

Let Baby J stick to the other R. Kelly stuff that he does well, being a baller and peeing on girls.

BREAKING NEWS: K-Rog was a child actor

New information has just revealed that Kevin is in fact a child actor by the name of Eric Lloyd. For years we’ve hung out with this celebrity and had no idea of the connection. Here is a picture of Eric Lloyd looking as he did when he filmed The Santa Clause and the laugh-riot Dunston Checks In:

Here is a picture of K-Rog circa 2003:

This is more than a coincidence.

• His first role was ‘Young Kevin’ in The Wonder Years.
• Remember that Kevin is quite the George Costanza fan (with whom he starred in Dunston Checks In–the movie really is an American treasure, it would behoove you to check it out from your local Blockbuster Video).
• That curly-haired gentleman is clearly his agent.
• Further proof is the fact that the guy from Slumdog Millionaire can be seen partying with the young actor.  We all know actors party together.  Correction: That’s actually just “one of those Patels who’s buying up all the hotels.” (h/t Ethan’s grandpa)

Even though Kevin has been hiding his past from us for years, let us wish him a happy birthday.

(A previous version of this story incorrectly reported Corbin doing his best “Steve Buscemi from Con Air” impression and driving through four states while wearing Kevin’s head as a hat.)

Hey, Bob: Are you better off today than you were four years ago?

Happy birthday, sir.

Also, happy election, congressional candidate Caleb Trotter.

Hope You Have an Un-Bee-lievable Birthday, Demsey

Here’s to Cleveland’s finest Mo-5 Architect. Have a drink and get a nice buzzzzzzzzzzzz.
What does this picture say to you? I believe this is the (NSFW) answer.
/Hat tip to Bob for the recon.
/Hat tip to Momma Demsey for dressing her son in that ADORABLE shirt.
/Hat tip to me for having the restraint to hold on to this for so long. (and the other one….hahahaha)

You knew this day was coming, Moyle.

You were like, “Why are you taking a picture of my phone, Jones?”

Then there was a look of momentary panic on your face when you realized I was looking at “an album cover” of your playlist called “Napa Beatz.” Yes, that’s ‘beatz’ with a ‘z.’ Why is a ‘z’ important? Because it’s fucking Napa, that’s why! You were proud of your Kid Cuti track playing its sweet sounds out your jambox (not a euphemism), but you weren’t too keen on the shot of you wearing a purse and pointing out to all your beatz lovin’ Napa bitchez. I could see it in your eyes that you were envious of your pal, whose face is obscured by the ass-end of a highball. I assume this is the Franz to your Hanz.

I told you that one day this would make it’s way onto danglebeef.com, which, by that time, would be one of the top clown-porn-art-cycling sites on the web. You shook your head in disbelief and said, “It will never happen,” but the cloudiness in your eyes and the lines in your smile said otherwise. Well, only one of those things came true. Here, on your birthday, we can now all appreciate the Napa Beatz.

Anyhoo, I hope you have a happy birthday, and, in the spirit of Hanz and Franz, are pumped up like Snoopy on Thanksgiving day. Please feel free to post the names of some of those sweet beatz for us to see, and in that absence, everyone else please come up with what you think is on Napa Beatz. I’m talking to the 10 other facebook fans I have, and the three people who googled this site looking for some roast beef po-boy porn.
Happy birthday, Bi Gal.

Time to get sauced, Neil

Danglebeef is always better with a little BBQ Sauce. Happy Birthday.

Hope your 7th B-Day is a Rush, Melissa

Happy leap day, girl. I hope that’s insulin.

Can I give you a foot rub?

Maybe Next Year, Trotter

No ‘wacky’ birthday pic for you today. You don’t ask to be danglebeef’d, it just happens. Luckily, you’ve learned to patient over the last few years.

(also, the fact that I’m out of town and this has to be done on my phone might have something to do with the lack of inspiration here.)

This Is Why We Don’t Wear Giant Labels, Harry

Truf…

Hang Loose, Moyle

Big Al, or Bi Gal?

I think this needs to be the next T-Shirt. Would be a huge hit at Southern Decadence.

Here’s the Original pic.

Upon further review, I think it’s safe to say that the message of the license plate is “69 Bi Gal.” One might look at the El Camino and say, “No Bi Gal would drive that. Clearly that car belongs to that 69 lovin’ Big Al.”

Well, I would counter that the El Camino is one of the most bisexual cars there is. Is it a car? Sure. A truck? Yep. It goes both ways. Just like the 69 Bi Gal.